i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
