I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
