You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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