omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
