Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
