careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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