I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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