go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
