My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
