Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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