I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ruined the universe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
