ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
