Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
