My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Two words: nipple clamps
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