I puked a lego.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
