hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Randomize
