Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
