I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
