I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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