i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
