remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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