We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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