Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
