need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
