Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
