Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
