peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
