I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No subtext here. People are naked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
