Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
