the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
