This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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