Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
