He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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