I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love black thongs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
