I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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