i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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