My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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