please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
