soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That was before I lit my hair on fire
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
