She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
