I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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