No subtext here. People are naked.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
