you guys were way drunker than both of me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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