It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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