Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
