areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
