good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
