Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
