Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
