we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
