I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
