I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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