You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
