Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
